Assalamualikum,
its been a while since i last wrote, and there have been many ups and downs as what makes life. This post is to say that I am gonna be writing in my private blog for a while, just want to deal with some ghosts from the past, which i cant do on this public blog. A few of you have asked about my private blog, if you write to me at Bangladeshiwife@live.co.uk and please tell me where you are from, InshaAllah I will take it from there and if everything goes well then InshaAllah you will get a email from me. I will be writing here again soon InshaAllah, hope all is well with everyone. xxxx
Thursday, May 06, 2010
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
This is a bit unusual....
assalamualikum,
i know you dont get many posts like this from me, so here it is.....I AM HAPPY mashAllah,....and no i am not at my mums or have moved out I am still in the same place, but I am happy. Dont know how long this will last but who cares I AM gonna enjoy the moment. I thank Allah for bringing me out of my depression and for giving me goals to aim for, I have a lot that I want to do. I thank Allah for my husband and kids, my sisters,my parents, and of course all my friends in blog world. Just need to focus and remember that I am a human and my inlaws CANNOT control me on the same level I only have ALLAH to fear and not them. It is hard I do admit I do still get the panic attacks if I am out for longer than a couple of hours but I reassure myself in my head that I am not committing a crime nor am I doing anything wrong by wanting to get fresh air with my hub and kids. I love you all.
i know you dont get many posts like this from me, so here it is.....I AM HAPPY mashAllah,....and no i am not at my mums or have moved out I am still in the same place, but I am happy. Dont know how long this will last but who cares I AM gonna enjoy the moment. I thank Allah for bringing me out of my depression and for giving me goals to aim for, I have a lot that I want to do. I thank Allah for my husband and kids, my sisters,my parents, and of course all my friends in blog world. Just need to focus and remember that I am a human and my inlaws CANNOT control me on the same level I only have ALLAH to fear and not them. It is hard I do admit I do still get the panic attacks if I am out for longer than a couple of hours but I reassure myself in my head that I am not committing a crime nor am I doing anything wrong by wanting to get fresh air with my hub and kids. I love you all.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Random post alert.
i was supposed to be posting more during the holidays, but it has not been the case. I particularly wanted to write something in my private blog, and I really wanted Jana, for you to read it, but as I Have time constraints inshallAllah I will try and do it in the near future.
what I might do is write down instances/conversations that take place between my inlaws. they are gonna be really random. I am gonna head back to them with a positive attitude, my main focus is gonna be myself, kids and hub, not in anyway an order of importance! so heres to me!!
what I might do is write down instances/conversations that take place between my inlaws. they are gonna be really random. I am gonna head back to them with a positive attitude, my main focus is gonna be myself, kids and hub, not in anyway an order of importance! so heres to me!!
Friday, April 09, 2010
back again
assalamualikum,
its been a long time sinyce my last post, i really hope that everyone is well,i would like to apologise to the friends who left me comments in my last post that i didnt get back to and those who emailed me , i truly am sorry. I know that a lot of my blogging friends have been dealing with dificult times ib their lives and i really hope that Allah gets them through these turbulent times. so whats happening with me, well everything is STILL the same, though my depression is better MashaAllah or should i say i am coping that bit better. though the fustration within me still turns me into a very ugly human being.
I dont know what it is with them, i just wish that they could see with their own eyes what it is that they do. why is my going to see my parents an issue still? their daughter comes and stays over every other week so why is it a crime for me to see my parents. How is it that the very people that bought me into this world no longer have a say of when they can see me? what gives them any right to tell me "you only saw them a while ago ...why go again?" a while being almost 3 months. DOUBLE STANDARDS!!!
Recently i planned to go abroad and as i was flying oversees after 20 odd years i politely said to my Fil how i would like to see my father before I go... He at first didnt respond then, very coldly said well it is custom for your dad to come and see you not the other way round.....since when has there been rules and relations to see your own father? YET may i add if I am at my mums and he is planning on going somewhere it is my duty to leave my stay and see him off!
Oh im ranting again, its just that I am feeling down I am sick of my living situation, sick and tired of it all, i can never do enough to plaese these people NEVER. anyways my mum is pretty ill at the moment please pray for her. I cant even use this blog as an outlet when i need to because they have a problem with me being at the laptop, another reason for my disappearance...yet it is fine that they sit and hog the t.v all bloody day and night, but laptop, no no no.
its been a long time sinyce my last post, i really hope that everyone is well,i would like to apologise to the friends who left me comments in my last post that i didnt get back to and those who emailed me , i truly am sorry. I know that a lot of my blogging friends have been dealing with dificult times ib their lives and i really hope that Allah gets them through these turbulent times. so whats happening with me, well everything is STILL the same, though my depression is better MashaAllah or should i say i am coping that bit better. though the fustration within me still turns me into a very ugly human being.
I dont know what it is with them, i just wish that they could see with their own eyes what it is that they do. why is my going to see my parents an issue still? their daughter comes and stays over every other week so why is it a crime for me to see my parents. How is it that the very people that bought me into this world no longer have a say of when they can see me? what gives them any right to tell me "you only saw them a while ago ...why go again?" a while being almost 3 months. DOUBLE STANDARDS!!!
Recently i planned to go abroad and as i was flying oversees after 20 odd years i politely said to my Fil how i would like to see my father before I go... He at first didnt respond then, very coldly said well it is custom for your dad to come and see you not the other way round.....since when has there been rules and relations to see your own father? YET may i add if I am at my mums and he is planning on going somewhere it is my duty to leave my stay and see him off!
Oh im ranting again, its just that I am feeling down I am sick of my living situation, sick and tired of it all, i can never do enough to plaese these people NEVER. anyways my mum is pretty ill at the moment please pray for her. I cant even use this blog as an outlet when i need to because they have a problem with me being at the laptop, another reason for my disappearance...yet it is fine that they sit and hog the t.v all bloody day and night, but laptop, no no no.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Just get over it!
sometimes you have to take a few steps back to go a few steps forward, when life becomes so difficult. When you think you just cant cope but we can surely we can, Allah said that he would not place a burden more than we can cope with..we have to believe and keep our faith strong in Allah and Inshallah that burden will get easier to carry and eventually you will a way to off load it. Sometimes when we lose hope that is when things do go wrong, because you are losing hope in Allah. Unfortunately if you are depressed you cannot think rationally every small thing is like the end of the world. And this is what I have to keep reminding myself that i must not lose faith or question my Lord but the real test is that I can bear it. My sister said to me that if in your life if you undergo a hardship, and from that event you grow closer to Allah and call on to him then it, the hardship, was for you a test. However ,if a tragedy befalls you and you grow distant from your Lord, from your faith then that trial, that event was for you a punishment.
so in the recent days I have been reading and reading articles all related to deen Mashallah, articles written by brothers and sisters in Islam. I feel that i have learned so much. I read some articles on anger management, which unfortunately due to my daily circumstances something that i suffer from. I was never like this before I was so calm. It stated that your environment can make you this way and it is something that you shoulld change.
Also I am trying to revive the passion for Islam, i want that contentment in my heart, I want that glow back on my face I want to be that women who held on to her beliefs so hard that it didnt matter what people thought because I knew it was for Allah. I will give you one such example. A couple of years before I got married I began wearing the hijaab, from then on i tried to do it properly, i.e i was very strict about who saw my hair, i didnt want to be one of those who took it off for a special ocassion. Now when I got married my dupatta ( head scarf that comes with indian clothes very long and wide and wedding ones are massive!) was very heavy. I told my mum that I wanted to wear hijaab underneath it but she got all panicky no no, if you wear a headscarf underneath the wedding duppata you will get too hot, you will faint blah blah......so how did i over come this.....if she wasnt gonna let me have a scarf that covered my hair neck properly then the only way round it was to bring the dupatta down so that it concealed my entire face...mum was okay with this. I went through my whole day like this only revaling my face to my female friends. My hubs extended family were disappointed they had come all this way and they didnt get to see the bride lol! anyway a lot of people critisced me for doing this saying that we werent in the stane ages, they did not respect the fact that this was something that I felt so strongly about and something i wanted to do!!! My point is despite the times, despite everything i kept my modesty and did not do soemthing i did not believe in,because my imaan was strong then, nothing like it is now. So I wanna take a few steps back and rediscover that woman that i was back then, the one i knew before she became the doormat and hired help.
I want to busy my self with islamic things, i want to show a positive side to Islam to my kids, i dont want them to see a depressed woman with no aim in her life.
so in the recent days I have been reading and reading articles all related to deen Mashallah, articles written by brothers and sisters in Islam. I feel that i have learned so much. I read some articles on anger management, which unfortunately due to my daily circumstances something that i suffer from. I was never like this before I was so calm. It stated that your environment can make you this way and it is something that you shoulld change.
Also I am trying to revive the passion for Islam, i want that contentment in my heart, I want that glow back on my face I want to be that women who held on to her beliefs so hard that it didnt matter what people thought because I knew it was for Allah. I will give you one such example. A couple of years before I got married I began wearing the hijaab, from then on i tried to do it properly, i.e i was very strict about who saw my hair, i didnt want to be one of those who took it off for a special ocassion. Now when I got married my dupatta ( head scarf that comes with indian clothes very long and wide and wedding ones are massive!) was very heavy. I told my mum that I wanted to wear hijaab underneath it but she got all panicky no no, if you wear a headscarf underneath the wedding duppata you will get too hot, you will faint blah blah......so how did i over come this.....if she wasnt gonna let me have a scarf that covered my hair neck properly then the only way round it was to bring the dupatta down so that it concealed my entire face...mum was okay with this. I went through my whole day like this only revaling my face to my female friends. My hubs extended family were disappointed they had come all this way and they didnt get to see the bride lol! anyway a lot of people critisced me for doing this saying that we werent in the stane ages, they did not respect the fact that this was something that I felt so strongly about and something i wanted to do!!! My point is despite the times, despite everything i kept my modesty and did not do soemthing i did not believe in,because my imaan was strong then, nothing like it is now. So I wanna take a few steps back and rediscover that woman that i was back then, the one i knew before she became the doormat and hired help.
I want to busy my self with islamic things, i want to show a positive side to Islam to my kids, i dont want them to see a depressed woman with no aim in her life.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Another test.
oh Allah you test ur slaves so much, plesae help my family through this difficult time. we have found out something that could change our family unit forever, and i pray to the Almightty to be kind and merciful to us, maybe we got it wrong. I cant even write about here or my private blog i just feel so lonely right now with no one here to even talk to. This is nothing to do with the inlaws its my own family. I feel so upset i wish someone would hug me and tell me its allright, i just want to be comforted i think i will need a hug from my kids. I ask you my dear friends to stop for a moment and pray for my family especially my parents as they will be affected the most, you dont have to leave a comment but I beg you please pray. Allah knows we need them. I am dreading the outcome of this and as usual it is me that has been landed with the role of sorting things out, i feel so weak, i know i am a mother and i am no longer 20 something but i feel like a kid i just want it all to go away.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
has it happened to you?
when you really think you know someone, and then that person can look you right in the eye and lie so coldly and blatantly? Then you are left knocked for six and wondering did you ever really know that person, and you are not angry but hurt that you got this person oh so wrong. Who the hell is this person? in reality you can never know someone as well as you think you do. Best not to have expectations...best to lett it all go and never trust anyone.
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