assalamualikum,
its been a long time sinyce my last post, i really hope that everyone is well,i would like to apologise to the friends who left me comments in my last post that i didnt get back to and those who emailed me , i truly am sorry. I know that a lot of my blogging friends have been dealing with dificult times ib their lives and i really hope that Allah gets them through these turbulent times. so whats happening with me, well everything is STILL the same, though my depression is better MashaAllah or should i say i am coping that bit better. though the fustration within me still turns me into a very ugly human being.
I dont know what it is with them, i just wish that they could see with their own eyes what it is that they do. why is my going to see my parents an issue still? their daughter comes and stays over every other week so why is it a crime for me to see my parents. How is it that the very people that bought me into this world no longer have a say of when they can see me? what gives them any right to tell me "you only saw them a while ago ...why go again?" a while being almost 3 months. DOUBLE STANDARDS!!!
Recently i planned to go abroad and as i was flying oversees after 20 odd years i politely said to my Fil how i would like to see my father before I go... He at first didnt respond then, very coldly said well it is custom for your dad to come and see you not the other way round.....since when has there been rules and relations to see your own father? YET may i add if I am at my mums and he is planning on going somewhere it is my duty to leave my stay and see him off!
Oh im ranting again, its just that I am feeling down I am sick of my living situation, sick and tired of it all, i can never do enough to plaese these people NEVER. anyways my mum is pretty ill at the moment please pray for her. I cant even use this blog as an outlet when i need to because they have a problem with me being at the laptop, another reason for my disappearance...yet it is fine that they sit and hog the t.v all bloody day and night, but laptop, no no no.
17 comments:
Salaamu Alaikum Queeny!!
I'm so glad you are doing well, i was really worried about you. Inshallah your mother's health turns for the better, I really hope so!! AMEEN!!
Some more blog posts please, its the only way we know what is going on with you and if you are ok.
Mashallah, I am so happy that your depression has lessened, or you are able to deal with it. Alhamdullilah. I love you Queeny,
wasalaam,
AlabasterMuslim
Oh Queen I am sorry this is still going on with you. They tell you what to do as if you are a child. I wish you could just fight back and tell them to leave you alone but I know it's easier said than done. I am making dua for you and your family. Take care.
Wa alaikum as salaam dear Sister - It's wonderful to hear from you, though I wish it, of course, was under better circumstances.
I don't know what to say, it seems double standards in our culture/society are so widespread when it comes to one's own children. First, it's ok if boys fool around, while the girls are expected to behave and as you describe here, one standard is applied to one side and not to the other. This can only result in a negative (and justified) reaction from the jilted side - in this case, you.
Don't get me wrong, I am in full support of you here. I mean in the case of visiting your father - what the?? What is your fil's problem?? Forget custom and what has been done in the past - a daughter wants to see her father - there should be no question about that - at all! You have the right to see him and of course, being the one of the two who brought up the one who is a blessing for their son (why should they treat the one their sons loves so much, in this way???), your father has every right to see his daughter, no matter if she has left the house (i.e. marriage) or not.
Please keep strong sis - insha'allah this difficulty, like all, will pass.
"So verily, with the hardship, there is relief, Verily, with the hardship, there is relief. So when you have finished, then stand up for Allâh’s worship. And to your Lord turn your invocations" Quran 94:5-8
I know it's been a long-term difficulty, but be steadfast (as we should all be) and you will get through this insha'allah.
Best wishes always,
Br. MF
Indeed, I will keep your Amma in my du'a. May Allah Grant her a quick recovery to full health. Ameen.
I love how you express -straight from the heart...be optimistic and you'll go a long way! Read Richard Carlsons 'Dont sweat the small stuff with the family ". (reading this got me over my depression too)It will help you to deal with everyday happenings and help learn how to cope with family squabbles etc. All the best...
salam alabaster,
Yes I am a bit better these days, thanks to all your duas. I have reaally missed u gal, i tried to say happy anniversary so many times on your blog but my laptop just wasnt having it! its turned sour like my inlaws.
love you
salam my getaway,
how are you hun, i cant seem to get on your other blog.Ah sis so many times i have wanted to just shout and scream but that will only make it worse. I am going for the suffocate them with your love approach...lol not literally, you know what I mean?
salam muslim first,
salam bro, thank you for being so understanding firstly, and yes what is so wrong with a daughter wanting to see her father. they really really need to take a good look at themselves, but they think they are perfect in every sense of the word. Double standards is very prevalent in the Asian community dont you think? but you are right there will come a reward for me inshaAllah. I really wish that we could just be happy and think about each others feelings.Its like its okay to say hurtful stuff to me...like im not really human.
hi ayanzan, I am sorry to hear that you have been a victim of depression but really happy that you have sorted yourself out. thank you for mentioning the book to me...in my blogs i just write as it is therefore it can make little sense at times and lets not even get started on typos!!
as salamu alaikum
im glad ur doing ok and ill make dua for u that ur depression will vanish completly inshallah
Queen,
I know Ive said this before so i apologise if this is annoying. I am just worried abt your situation. Can your husband tell his dad that he wants you to go see your dad? or that he wants his wife (you) to be on the laptop? why doesn't your husband stand up for you? this place where you are and all this emotional abuse by your in-laws only teaches your children that people can treat others badly and get away with it. unless your husband and you respectfully address this with your in-laws things will not get better. if u do this, it will also give your children confidence to stand up for whats right in the future. I'm sure you don't want your daughter to be in teh same situation in teh future.
I know that God doesn't want you to go through this. God loves you and wants you the best. Sometimes we need to do all we can before expecting a miracle. This situation u r in is not a trial or test by God, it is just abuse by bad people.. There is a difference. Your loyalty is first to your husband and his duty is to make sure you are not hurting.
I worry that all this stress may impact on your health badly.I pray that you are well and happy and safe very soon. x
salam mimisha,
thank you and ameen to your prayers.
hi dugi,
hope you are well and your little one too. you are so right about one thing, this depression is the coming from people and not God, cuz if i really really wanted to i could just walk out on them. Our situations is very tricky, partly due do the way that we have been brought up to NEVER answer to our elders. I totally get what you are saying about what my kids will be learing and i do fear that, I NEVER want my kids to be in that situation where their whole day to day life is dicated by some backward ignorant fool. I wish i could be stronger but I do have faith in God ( Allah) and i know there will be light at the end of the tunel for me.
salam my friend
when i read your posts i feel so down. dont get me wrong, it just makes me think of my own situation with my own crappy would have been in laws and i think how miserable people are all over the world due to the control issues that the "elders" have.
lol, when do we get to be the elders and do just what the hell we want?
i think the thing that bothers me the most in your situation is them trying to tell you how to deal with your own parents. that alone brings some very unislamic feelings up but i try to refrain.
queen, lets all just stick together here. sometimes we just have no one else to turn to do we? no one around us that understands our stations in life.
jana,
you are so right I am so grateful that I have you guys, it does make a difference, a big one!
and yes when do i stop being a kid and become an adult in their eyes NEVER!they will continue to control me till death do us apart
as-salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah,
I am glad you came and made an update sis. I am saddened to hear things are still the same with your in-laws.
May Allah bring your mother back to health.
I am wondering if you can speak with your husband and have him speak to his parents about you wanting to visit your parents. You see, you are NOT obligated to seek permission from your parents-in-law for things. You only need your husband's permission.
One way your husband can bring it up is to say something like (X is his sister's name--the ones that visits every other week)
"I have decided I want my wife to visit her parents more frequently. I love how X gets to come visit home every other weekend and I think that would be wonderful if my wife does the same with her parents"
They may not want to hear any voice of reason coming from you, but they may hear it clearly from their own son inshallah.
It is absolutely horrible how they try to dictate your life. It is just wrong and so many levels. But they are your husband's parents and he really really needs to speak up for you because that isn't right for you to have to do it and then become labeled rebellious for doing so--even if you are justified in rebelling.
I will keep you in my dua'as sis inshallah.
salam mualikum Twizzle,
its funny when you actually read it that its your husbands permission that you need not your inlaws. then you actually remember that is the way that it should be.but unfortunately it is not everything has to come from them, every single thing. My hub doesnt have a problem with my visiting my inlaws but they do. I am at my mums now and as usually i got the cold expressions, the how long are you gonna stay, dont stay too long, as soon as its the holidays your off ( which is a lie as the last two holidays was spent with them) but there daughter is always here holidays or no holidays. thats what gets me.
i dont want things to turn sour between my hub and his parents that is why i do sometimes prevent him from saying stuff...because in the past when he has they have stopped talking to him and treated him like complete crap.
please pray for us sis.
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