To my followers, my friends - Goodbye, take care!
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Explanation......and rather a long one too!
Assalamuaalykum,
To everyone who left comments on my last post i think you all deserve an explanation at the least, as this has come out of the blue.
I cant be exactly who I want because i am worried about being found out, the thing is i think about consequences, but there is nothing that people can actually do to me apart from give me the cold shoulder and for what? writing what I feel due to their actions....but it still bothers me. There is so much That I have in this heart of mine and I want to talk about it on my blog but the thing is it will give me away, I don't know who will be reading it. I get mini heart attacks when I see people from my neighbouring town visit...I just don't know what to do!
I have met so many diverse people on my blog, I have muslims and non muslims, I have make up artists, reverts, from so many backgrounds and if you know me then you will know I admire people who have reverted to Islam......so amazing, belly dancers, other religious groups, teenagers, mums and a few male readers too, and I think it is wonderful, I love variety and diversity, and without this blog I would not have met anybody. I did not think for a minute when I started writing this blog to myself that I would meet so many wonderful people. That is the disadvantage of going private. I really love my readers, some of the advice given believe it or not I have followed. There are some beautiful people that I have grown to love who have followed me on my journey, it has been around about 8 months I think could be 9. This blog has helped me vent my anger and refresh my mind, by writing and reading I am stopping my mind from turning into mush. I felt so down writing what i did yesterday and believe me your comments were so touching and I almost wanted to say....stop im not going anywhere!
I myself had thought when Sarah from faith in writing had said a while back that she was going to close her blog, how horrible i would feel if Sarah were to do that, and then I was thinking of other sisters that I have grown close to how I would hate it if they suddenly said good bye. ....I hate goodbyes....
My time at my mums is nearing its end and I feel sick at the thought of having to go back to my in laws house, how can I explain the feeling to you : dread, queasiness, sorrow. I know I will just fall into my stupid depression, I have enjoyed just writing normal nice things and going back there, you sisters will only find me blogging about depressing mundane things... ( see I think about your welfare)
The above things have been on my mind for a long time but yesterday I had no intention of saying what I did, when I woke up in the morning.............then i started to read some peoples blogs etc that are not on my blog list and I wish i never had stepped out of my little circle, because as I kept going I was shocked to say the least about what people were saying, it disillusioned me to hear what muslims were saying about fellow muslims.
Okay I believe that on your own blog you have the right to say what you want, people can like it or lump it, on the same reasoning I believe that people have the right to respond to something as they please, whether its liked or not, but to have someone ripped apart, I cant deal with, to have someone call someone disgusting names is atrocious. I felt really really upset, especially since I knew and like the person in question, it really hurt to read and may Allah give her the strength to stay strong.
I wish I could write freely to you all without the worry, I want to tell you all how everything happened what made me this person that I am. Do you sisters understand my dilemma? I do want to write....but i want to write without editing, i want to write uncut versions. .... please advise me what the best approach is. I will however be taking a break from it just till I can feel good about the whole blogging world. I am so so so sorry to my recent followers on this blog and my health blog, who have joined and now Im going, please hang on until I have cleared my head a bit. Just want you to know I LOVE YOU ALL, warts and all :)
To everyone who left comments on my last post i think you all deserve an explanation at the least, as this has come out of the blue.
I cant be exactly who I want because i am worried about being found out, the thing is i think about consequences, but there is nothing that people can actually do to me apart from give me the cold shoulder and for what? writing what I feel due to their actions....but it still bothers me. There is so much That I have in this heart of mine and I want to talk about it on my blog but the thing is it will give me away, I don't know who will be reading it. I get mini heart attacks when I see people from my neighbouring town visit...I just don't know what to do!
I have met so many diverse people on my blog, I have muslims and non muslims, I have make up artists, reverts, from so many backgrounds and if you know me then you will know I admire people who have reverted to Islam......so amazing, belly dancers, other religious groups, teenagers, mums and a few male readers too, and I think it is wonderful, I love variety and diversity, and without this blog I would not have met anybody. I did not think for a minute when I started writing this blog to myself that I would meet so many wonderful people. That is the disadvantage of going private. I really love my readers, some of the advice given believe it or not I have followed. There are some beautiful people that I have grown to love who have followed me on my journey, it has been around about 8 months I think could be 9. This blog has helped me vent my anger and refresh my mind, by writing and reading I am stopping my mind from turning into mush. I felt so down writing what i did yesterday and believe me your comments were so touching and I almost wanted to say....stop im not going anywhere!
I myself had thought when Sarah from faith in writing had said a while back that she was going to close her blog, how horrible i would feel if Sarah were to do that, and then I was thinking of other sisters that I have grown close to how I would hate it if they suddenly said good bye. ....I hate goodbyes....
My time at my mums is nearing its end and I feel sick at the thought of having to go back to my in laws house, how can I explain the feeling to you : dread, queasiness, sorrow. I know I will just fall into my stupid depression, I have enjoyed just writing normal nice things and going back there, you sisters will only find me blogging about depressing mundane things... ( see I think about your welfare)
The above things have been on my mind for a long time but yesterday I had no intention of saying what I did, when I woke up in the morning.............then i started to read some peoples blogs etc that are not on my blog list and I wish i never had stepped out of my little circle, because as I kept going I was shocked to say the least about what people were saying, it disillusioned me to hear what muslims were saying about fellow muslims.
Okay I believe that on your own blog you have the right to say what you want, people can like it or lump it, on the same reasoning I believe that people have the right to respond to something as they please, whether its liked or not, but to have someone ripped apart, I cant deal with, to have someone call someone disgusting names is atrocious. I felt really really upset, especially since I knew and like the person in question, it really hurt to read and may Allah give her the strength to stay strong.
I wish I could write freely to you all without the worry, I want to tell you all how everything happened what made me this person that I am. Do you sisters understand my dilemma? I do want to write....but i want to write without editing, i want to write uncut versions. .... please advise me what the best approach is. I will however be taking a break from it just till I can feel good about the whole blogging world. I am so so so sorry to my recent followers on this blog and my health blog, who have joined and now Im going, please hang on until I have cleared my head a bit. Just want you to know I LOVE YOU ALL, warts and all :)
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Au revoir
Assalamualikum sisters,
I hope that everyone is well, Thank you to everyone who has found me and followed me through my life's trial, I appreciate all the comments, the prayers, the advice that my sisters have taken time to give to me and I have come to become very fond of each of you. But I am at a point in my life where I am unsure about who I am and what I want to do with my life... i am unsure about this blogging world, where people end up misunderstanding others, myself included, because things are taken in the wrong way or said without much thought attached, but meaning no harm. I want to say goodbye to you all, and that I have enjoyed knowing you, - I want to discover who I am and what I stand for, I have to face my fears and my insecurities and most of all I want to workout out how to be a Good muslim, a good wife and mother. I dont know if i want to make this a permanent goodbye or a temporary break, I will think about it and get back to you all Inshallah Tonight after I break my fast and relax and think over things.
lots of love, duaas and best wishes
Queen
I hope that everyone is well, Thank you to everyone who has found me and followed me through my life's trial, I appreciate all the comments, the prayers, the advice that my sisters have taken time to give to me and I have come to become very fond of each of you. But I am at a point in my life where I am unsure about who I am and what I want to do with my life... i am unsure about this blogging world, where people end up misunderstanding others, myself included, because things are taken in the wrong way or said without much thought attached, but meaning no harm. I want to say goodbye to you all, and that I have enjoyed knowing you, - I want to discover who I am and what I stand for, I have to face my fears and my insecurities and most of all I want to workout out how to be a Good muslim, a good wife and mother. I dont know if i want to make this a permanent goodbye or a temporary break, I will think about it and get back to you all Inshallah Tonight after I break my fast and relax and think over things.
lots of love, duaas and best wishes
Queen
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